Prokofy Linden

We were going to wait until Friday to announce this at Virtual Worlds 08 in New York at the Javitts Center, especially given today's date, but now that it is starting to seep out on Twitter it's probably better you hear it from me directly.

Public opinion began to be prepared yesterday with the announcement of a general amnesty in the works, and a review of all permabans in a Forums Facelift, including even He Who Must Not Be Named.

So, yes, it's true, no fooling: I'll be joining the staff of Linden Lab next week, heading up an exiting new project called Lindenor, a wonderful place where inworld businesses will be able to get special tier rates to run sims with homes and shops for the community as we make a really exciting transition to the SL Grid, a place where we will all be connected to a virtual world that will give us a Better World.

Sharp eyes may have seen a hint of this amazing concept here on the Linden blog, where an important distinction is going to be made starting on May 1st, World Labour Day, when Workers of the World Unite. Sidewinder talked about how Havoc 4 is being deployed:

Monday, Monday March 31

* All Early Adopters
* All Welcome Areas
* All Orientation Islands
* 1200 specially selected Second Life regions

Thursday, May 1

* The rest of Second Life

Lindenor will at last be a place where everybody who has gotten with the program -- Early Adopters and Mentors as well as Clueless Newbs and special people who "get it" on just 1,200 specially-select sims will be able to be rewarded for their long-suffering endurance on the grid and given a special leg up to weather the Liquidity Event -- when all private islands will be asked to host their own servers or die, and when the mainland will be closed except for Lindenor.

The "rest of Second Life" can go fish.

Is this FIC? you ask? Has Prokofy, in becoming a Linden staff member heading up what sounds like an exclusive new land baron program the ultimate in FICification?

Yes. There's no question that it's FIC. But it's FIC, for a good cause, as you will soon see. It's a FICness, that will be deployed cleverly and strategically to undermine an even bigger FIC that is coming down the pike, just you wait.

Because, big changes are coming to Second Life, and they need to be managed, and they need to be handled by people who are competent, and as I said, "get it" -- and aren't confused by tekkie-wiki Bolshevik maneuvers that can so confuse young minds today and set up memes and viral spread of disinformation via Twitter and other socnets filled with sock puppets and other appalling Internet phenomena.

These changes are brutal. These changes will be swift, when they come. But it's sometimes important to make the surgical cut clean, cauterize the wound, and Move On, Together, with Torley Linden lighting the way with a Watermelon flag that we all know and love and Prokofy Linden helping to Keep Us Safe and Secure in Our Homes At Night.

So yes, if you are on the mainland, there will be an interrim period where your tier will now be a very friendly flat rate, with no funny jumps or unused pieces or force-pays if you need to leave in the middle of the month. The new tier system is a flat $5/Linden for meter actually used, cumulatively, like a phone bill. Use 1024 m2 exactly -- pay for 1024. Have a funny 1008 m2 parcel -- pay only 1008 x 5. The auction pages will not have an ADD TO MY SHOPPING CART option that they really always should have had at the beginning, and *did* have just for rich people, but now, even Richard Bartle will be able to have a Second Life.

And it's going to get better. Every business will be registered automatically -- no hard decision making, puzzling over funny templates, stressful consultation with lawyers, etc.. With the new Lindenor Apprentice and Lindenor Partnership program, depending on your age, tier level, and whatever I feel like, your business or non-profit will enter an exciting new phase of Second Grid where it will live or die. Those objective, non-biased evaluations will be binding and permanent and unappealable, but I think you'll find me fair.

Why Prokofy Linden? Why not keep Prokofy Neva and start Pushback Linden (a concept we were playing with for awhile, and then ditched).

Well, partly, I think when you cross over to the dark side, as some will see it -- for the sake of the light, of course -- it's better not to take half-steps and half-measures. You know, go the whole hog and pay the postage. Have all your inventory and business cards Lindenized (R) in a new process that I think once you see how it works for me, will be something you'll run, not walk to have for yourself.

And partly there's a very serious concept at work here. Prokofy Neva is *already* hated. He probably couldn't get *more* hated in some quarters of both the resident population and the Linden staff. So Prokofy Linden, a role that is going to be painful, brutish, nasty, and unfair in making some very hard and unpleasant decisions that not everyone is going to be happy with. You can't make everybody happy, as our leader, Mitch Kapor, has explained patiently many times.

When the TOS drops down on you May 1st with these changes, you will see a radio button with your status indicated:

o Lindenor Apprentice
o Lindenor Partner
o The Rest of Second Life

I think it's probably better that I not talk about what happens to "the Rest of Second Life" right now, because it might cause some strokes, some income loss, some angry twittering. Press that button if you will -- you will have a brief period to reconsider, if you find it not to your liking, but then -- hey, you're on your own. We're here to help you actualize your dreams, not hold your hand forever.

Better I talk about the positive. The Lindenor Apprentices will be assigned to Oldbies who will take their hands at first, and teach them Second Life like it needs to be taught. No more confusing and laggy interfaces. No more griefer-field and weird welcome islands -- except as places of welcome by the Masters of their new little apprentices. No more funky self-service tutorials where you can't even sit down and clicking on the vehicle doesn't make it "go". Instead, a dedicated, benefited, compensated and *motivated* professional whose bottom line depends on it will greet each and every sign up and make sure they never leave the grid -- because if their new user retention rage falls under 25 percent retention, they won't retain themselves -- we'll be sending them over to The Rest of Second Life *shudder*.

Lindenor Partners who have successful businesses with Linden Positive Flow will find the transition easy and fun, as their tier bills will be in most cases reduced, and they'll also be *guaranteed customers* as the apprenticed ones are streamed over to the businesses, homes, shops, clubs, and malls of Lindenor where they will automatically receive $100 into their inbox every hour they stay logged on during their first 30 days -- that should hook 'em. No more camping -- we've taken care of all that. Clubs will be kept in specially-marked areas and won't lag others' sims -- they will also provide me ten percent of their income automatically through a shared group object -- and again, think of it as *motivation to keep customers* because I will be restoring the dwellfare system with this tithe and redistributing it to those who can genuinely attract the most traffic. I think it's a fair and workable system, don't you?

As Linden Lab makes the transition to open-source and host-your-own, Lindenor will remain as a premiere showcase of the best architecture, commerce, culture and education that Second Life has to offer, that anyone who contemplates joining the Second Life One World Community will *want* to join (and we're working on making it *mandatory* for 60 days before licenses are given as we feel that's the best way to make sure that we all can be in a Better World.

Part of these changes will involve some revisions and improvements to the LindEx which will involve moving to a stipend-packet demand-buy system and a preferred premium partnership payout system at set rates that will enable entrepreneurs to be secure in the knowledge that they never have to fear a crash or see their cash-out decrease just because it's Anshe's tier day and millions are dumped on the thing in one day.

Well, you say (or would say, if the comments on my Linden blog were open, which they won't be!), isn't this Lindenor of yours going to get pretty damn stale and dull with NO land market, no free currency, no independent give and take, no free will, with everything cleared through the whims of the Lidless Eye and a gaggle of dubious Linden staffers? Isn't it going to be just a welter of McMansions that will turn into a swamp of sordid BDSM and furry sandboxing punctuated with the occasionally stultifyingly dull edu sims with gleaming freebie NMC copied furniture?

No. Because on my staff will be some new Lindens who have trustworthy brand names in the business that I think you will trust with your Second Lives: Desmond Linden, Gwyneth Linden, Ordinal Linden, Carl Linden, and Linden Linden.

Wait. Who is Linden Linden, you ask? Well, you know, I was wondering that myself, when Urizenus Sklar told me he would explain everything, because he said the Lindens had called, and everything was forgiven, and the Herald was going to be part of this exciting new plan with a new name, the Lindenor Herald. But that we'd have to meet in person in real life, because he had something important to give me.

Oh, I think that's Uri at the door now.

Hmm. Uri's here now. With a giant pillow. Is he staying over night or something? I don't if I have room for Uri on the co

Comments

[Alex]

ROFL. :)
Yeah!

[Crap Mariner]

*applauds* Yeah, that gets the "Coffee For Prokofy" treatment.

[Khamon]

Well Done

[Jim Schack]

lol, bullshit Prok.

[Digado]

Longest Aprils fools joke on the web but a good one ;)

[Lucifer Baphomet]

Awesome piece Prok.

I'll be billing you for a new keyboard, if I can't get the sprayed coffee out of it. :)

[Fox Stirling]

Prok, this is the funniest thing I've seen all day! Awesome job..

[nika talaj]

*applause* Nicely done! Posted a link over on SLU, hopeya don't mind.

[Fox Stirling]

Funniest thing I read all day Prok! Great work :)

[Barack Linden]

Prokofy is doing it for the lulz! wOOt!!!

[Flavian]

Oi, I wish it were true.

[Gareth Nelson]

Doesn't mentioning april fools day in your april fools day joke spoil it?

[Ciaran Laval]

Very funny!

[Cocoanut Koala]

Haha!

:)

coco

[Stephanie Misfit]

HAHAHAHA! Nice one.

[Gwyneth Llewelyn]

Good, finally the mainland will be run by someone who actually cares about the residents living there!

Prok, will you hire assistants in your new role? I mean, how will you single-handedly manage 10,000 sims or so? Consider recruiting the PN and turn them into Patriotic Lindens instead. Who knows, if they get paid, they suddenly might push out the other griefers...

Mmmh. This is a plan. Gang wars between griefers on the mainland? Sounds good!

And Prokofy Linden will be there to make sure nothing gets out of hand.

[Razrcut Brooks]

LOL. Fooled me as I casually skimmed the first few paragraphs!!!!!!!!! Nicely done.

[Desmond Shang]

"Isn't it going to be just a welter of McMansions that will turn into a swamp of sordid BDSM and furry sandboxing punctuated with the occasionally stultifyingly dull edu sims with gleaming freebie NMC copied furniture?"

Aw. I thought we could at least have a revolution first, or something, before returning to business as usual.

[Cale Vinson]

Bravo, bravo!

[Demian Caldera]

Hahahahahaa..... I almost believed it before I noticed what day it was. Great piece, Prok! :0

[Sinead Mcmillan]

... adoring your blog, following you long time - beside that, being a member of cpsl, this is (outstandingly) one of your best meisterwerk. cheers, carry on!

[Danton Sideways]

Sounds very good, this Lindenor program, very well thought out. How do I sign up?

[Prokofy Neva]

Unfortunately, after I bought 60 islands (yes, I had to pay for them under this deal), suddenly, I'm told they are now costing 60 percent less, and I am holding a very big bag. So...let's stay in touch on that...

[Universal Infinity]

You? A Linden? Pardon me whilst I take this as nothing more than a bad April Fools Day joke.

The Linden Team does not need anyone with the kind of arrogant attitude I've seen in your blog posts.

[Danton Sideways]

Thank you, Universal Linden.